21:28 that people are coming over to our side. Because believe me, they're doing it under major globalist attack, but because they have a hunger for it, let's not be mad at them because they want to stand next to the fire of truth. Let's invite them in and then show them, because we're all sinners. We've all fallen short. Here's what Bill Maher had to say. And finally, new rule, it's depressing enough. Having just had a birthday and being 66, please don't ask me to start doing grown up things like run for president. A few weeks ago, Fox News' Dana Perino, a former Bush press secretary, suggested that the Democrats should recruit me to run for president, which is kind of special because it means that in the space of 20 years, Bush press secretaries have gone from telling me I need to watch what I say... They need to watch what they say, watch what they do. This is not a time for remarks like that. There never is.
22:26 They've gone from that to wondering if I should run for president. It'll be interesting to see if Bill Maher is recruited to run for the presidency. Now, some people think this means I've changed. I assure you, I have not. I am still the same unmarried, childless, pot-smoking libertine I always was. I have many flaws, but you can't accuse me of maturing.
23:08 Let's get this straight. It's not me who's changed. It's the left, who is now made up of a small contingent who've gone mental and a large contingent who refuse to call them out for it. But I will. That's why I'm a hero at Fox these days. Which shows just how much liberals have their head up their ass, because if they really thought about it, they would have made me a hero on their media. But that can't happen in this ridiculous new era of mind-numbing partisanship, where if I keep it real about the nonsense in the Democratic Party, it makes me an instant hero to Republicans. The same thing happened in reverse to Darth Vader's daughter, Liz Cheney.
23:56 who is now a hero to liberals simply because she recognizes Biden did not steal the last election. What a sad commentary on our politics, where simply acknowledging reality is now seen as a profile in courage. People sometimes say to me, you know, you didn't, you didn't used to make fun of the left as much. Yeah, because they didn't give me so much to work with. The oath of office I took was to comedy. And if you do goofy shit wherever you are on the spectrum, I'm going to make fun of you because that's where the gold is. And the fact that they are laughing at it should tell you something. It rings true. When normal people read that San Francisco has basically legalized shoplifting, they think Democrats have gone nuts. They think
25:05 You know, that Ted Cruz guy seems like a real stiff, but at least he believes in the concept of shopping with money. It's not my fault that the party of FDR and JFK is turning into the party of LOL and WTF. Members of Congress tweeting things like, cancel rent, cancel mortgage, and no more policing or incarceration, declaring that capitalism is slavery, cancelling Lincoln and Dr. Seuss, teaching children they're oppressors and math is racist, making Mr. Potato Head gender neutral, and now an emoji for pregnant men.
26:01 Real, I'm not making it up. California just passed a law requiring large retailers to have a non-gendered toy section. A non-gendered toy section? Isn't Ken enough? We need a law for that? Do you have to inject yourselves into everything, from where you can throw a Frisbee to who can braid hair? This is why so many people, by the way, were triggered by COVID policies. They were already sick of rules. Regulation should be a good issue for Democrats. It's certainly one they're associated with. And I think the average voter would agree that banks and chemical plants and drug companies need watching.
26:58 Telling a company you can't dump the waste from your hog farm straight into the water supply. We're mostly all for that But Democrats have become a parody of themselves just making rules to make rules because it makes you feel like you're a better person Making sure that everything bad never happens again, which you can never fully do. It just makes everyone else's life and drag and The Biden infrastructure bill has a provision that requires all new cars to install an alert system that goes off when you leave a baby in the back seat, which is something done only by crackheads and people who sadly, yes, do it on purpose. And after every one of us winds up bearing the cost for cars to install this alarm, you know who's going to ignore it? Crackheads and people who do it on purpose.
28:01 A censor light is not going to fix this problem, and Democrats no longer possess the common sense to understand that not every problem in the world can be fixed with a regulation. But don't tell that to the advocacy groups who also want every future car in America to only start when the driver blows into a breathalyzer. Oh, great, my other car is a Caron. Well... You know, it's also not safe to drive when you're crying. Should we make a car that follows your texts and stops the engine when you're dumped? Racism is bad. How about a car that won't start unless you play a message about tolerance from George Takei? Regular viewers of this program may recall my long battle to get solar power hooked up at my house.
29:14 It involved this shed, which had to be built to house this solar battery. Yes, that battery needed a house to live in. And not just any house, one that had to follow the specifications of this chart. That's a real chart of the steps we had to go through to get this thing turned on. Democrats have to stop thinking that what the voters dream about is to be hassled. If you buy a shed at Costco, it comes with this warning. Warning, this product can expose you to wood dust. Wood dust. No kidding. Which is known to the state of California to cause cancer. That's right, California thinks you're going to snort your shed. I don't want to blow Pinocchio, I just want to put the lawnmower away. I want to read some Bible verses here on air.